Indra Jatra 2007

This was my first visit to Indra Jatra. I went to Kathmandu on on 28th Sept, Friday on an information that it might be the last day of Indra Jatra. I attended my class, and then rushed to Kathmandu. I was in quite a hurry because I didn't want to miss it at all, specially the chariot of Kumari. I got there to find out that it wasn't the last day. Whoa! It was a great news -- I'll be able to watch the jatra more than one day. I was at Basantapur, enjoying that evening with a red-festive aura all over. I went to visit Akash Bhairav, Shwet Bhairav, Kal Bhairav, the Lingo, and had an ample of chances to take beautiful photographs (so sad my camera was unable to take nice shots in low light). I got a chance to see a Lakhe, but when I turned my camera to take a shot, what I got was a lot of motion blur. So sad, the Lakhe had lost in the crowd, I was unable to capture him again. I returned back to my room at 8:45 that night.
The next day I had a meeting. I arrived at Basantapur at 5:20 keeping up in my mind that it was the last day of the jatra. So I roamed all over, again taking photographs. This day, a bad news was waiting for me. Guess what, it wasn't the last day of jatra. The very next day I had my classes, and it would have been unable for me to visit Basantapur. So trying to enjoy my last day of jatra with my friends, I went all over the place, looking for snaps. And, I can't explain my pleasure to see the Lakhe dance in full bloom. I even got to capture a close head-shot of the Lakhe dancer. That seemed more than a reward to me. It made me forgot all the sorrows of not visiting the last day of jatra, and not being able to see the chariot of Kumari. After that I went to see some ritual dances. Finally returned back home at 8:30.
The next day, on Sunday, I woke up to go for classes, although I was in no mood to attend it. When I reached the bus stop, someone told me that there are chances that today is a strike, and there won't be any classes. A light of hope illuminated into me, that may be I will be able to witness the last day as well. After waiting a few minutes, the bus came, and I boarded it (thinking that it was all false hope). All of a sudden, when I reached Jagati, the bus stopped to rest. We all came down to know what was the reason, why the bus had stopped? A person informed that there had been a strike that day and all the educational institutions need to remain shut. So the bus won't be allowed to go. It was something like the dream come true. The bus returned back to Kathmandu instantly. I went to home, had my lunch, and then went for a Meeting. After the meeting, I was very glad to meet my friends at Basantapur. That day, finally, I saw the chariots, and even took shots of them. Watching Pulukishi was very enjoyable. The chariot of Kumari was delayed so we went to the location where the chariot had been jammed due to Pulukishi. We even tried to get as near to the chariot as possible to take a good snap, but all in vain. We roamed around for a while, and then I returned back home at 8:00. Although full of fatigue, I felt quite fresh and the pleasure of the jatra recurring inside me every now and then. I was really very happy that day.
These were a short account of the pleasing moments the Jatra. It was really very enjoyable. It was my friends who made it a memorable event, without which I would have lost in the jatra, without enjoying. I hope I could come to jatra every year.
P.S.: You can see some of the photographs at:
http://picasaweb.google.com/aks.abhishek/IndraJatra
http://www.flickr.com/photos/aksinc/sets/72157602231976396/

Confronting Truth!!

You may feel it a bit weird about how and why I'm confronting truth now. But it all happened spontaneously today, and forms the major part of my blog. The whole blog would not make much sense my own opinion about myself before and after this incident is not reported.

To begin with, I'll start about my pre-image about myself. This is to brief what was my state of mind those days.

Ambitions were always a part of me. It was what guided my path. It consequently resulted in a transformation in me — the making of a techie, multidisciplinary personality out of a shy reserved guy (that's how I described the process to myself). "Work, Work, & Work" — the W'ed path to success, at first seemed achievable. The more I delved deep, the more fascinating it seemed. It brought inside me a lot of changes at the same time. My attitude change, my point of view changed. I felt gifted with absolute dynamicism, success and virtue. Failures seemed mere. It's not that failures were not there — I always took it the other way. I was so self-centered that I never saw MY mistakes, MY shortcomings in those failures. I always swept past those blaming others for the accidents. That's how I satisfied my pursuit for success — either knowingly or unknowingly, I don't know. There is no free lunch, nothing comes free of cost! My virtual success came at a price of mechanized life, loss of emotions, and a thrust of materialism.

Nothing remains forever - morphosis is the law of nature. I can foresee the changes, but rather stuck with my existing approach because I feared that the new situation may be hostile, and there were much possibility that it will be so. Talking straightly, I was unable to confront truth. But all of a sudden, I don't know what, forced me to interface with what is TRUTH. Below is some of my monologues, which I hope may explain how I'm feeling now:

What did MY success brought to me? Perhaps not more than added working hours, getting introduced to more people in the business, opening a few windows for future, what else? Now, I realize my loss, which I feel much more than what I achieved. Now, I feel that I had ceased being normal at all. May be I'm exaggerating due to this incident, but it's what going inside me now. The success I boasted to have achieve seemed no more than just mirage which misguided. I lied to myself every time to hide my own fault. Now I realize my incompetitiveness & my own short-comings. I'm losing confidence over myself. Dilemma is a close companion. At time, I think my previous attitude was better — at least it led to self-satisfaction, that's all needed. At the other hand, I feel secure out of my virtual luxury cocoon. Self-centric approach is good, but not better. Now I can see clearly with the dust around my eyes wiped up, but I can see the ditches along the path too. I don't know which path I'm going to choose.

I feel lost with all of these in my mind. So again I try to stuck with work so that I could keep myself busy, even though I'm unable to use much of my brain cycle. Lack of concentration and memorizing failures bug my studies. I try, but in vain, except for some computer related subjects. I don't know how I'm going to do in studies, but still I will keep trying to do better. Pessimism was never with me, and will never be! Being unaware where this transformation in me will be taking me to, I ask myself — Are changes good? Will I recover from these? If the answer is "yes", I again question myself — "What if reality fakes?"

Well, that's the junk in my head now. I don't know if that's all what is going inside, because I'm unable to express all. May be it'll disappoint you, but that's what I am — Never up to expectations! Even if you're disappointed, please don't leave this blog without a comment.

Aks™

It's me at Madan Puraskar Pustakalay (MPP), Patandhoka, delivering a presentation on Red Hat Enterprise Linux.